Ever since I have suffered from mental illness I have always been treated for depression and mixed anxiety disorder. From a very young age I have been told that this is what was wrong with me, As time has gone on doctors have have mentioned other mental health problems that I may have, some have medicated me for these problems and some have referred me else where. Something that I have never had is a formal, concrete diagnosis.
Over the years I have been prescribed so many different anti-depressants but I have still continued to suffer even whilst taking them. It had never occurred to me that this may have happened because I was being treated for the wrong illness. Whenever I went back to my GP for follow up appointments when they realised my symptoms hadn’t changed they would either increase my dosage or start me on a new anti-depressant. It was a cycle that carried on for years.
When I was first admitted to hospital I was prescribed yet another anti-depressant. One day a nurse on the ward asked me how long I have suffered with bipolar, when I told her that I didn’t have bipolar she asked me if I was sure! I think for me this was a bit of a lightbulb moment, for so long many treatments didn’t work for me and I could never pinpoint why. But they didn’t work because I was being treated for an illness that I didn’t have.
Because of this throw away comment made by a nurse a seed had been planted and I was ready to explore other illnesses that I might actually be suffering from. Since then I have been told that along with other issues that practitioners are very confident that I do in fact suffer from either bipolar or an emotional unstable personality disorder. As I began to research these illnesses so much started to make sense. Finally, after years of living with a misdiagnosis I was able to really understand some of the reasons behind why my brain worked the way it did,
Upon discharge from hospital I had a call with a mental health professional who asked me what I think I needed in terms of treatment in the next stages of my recovery. I knew I would benefit from a formal diagnosis, I asked for an assessment to see if other professionals believed that I suffered with either of these illness. I am now 6 months out of hospital and still waiting for the assessment I feel I so desperately need. With an official diagnosis I can work towards receiving the correct treatment for my illness.
Until them I am left taking 5 different types of medication that may or may not be helping my brain fight the symptoms of an illness that a probably don’t even have.
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