“Your new life is going to cost you your old one.” – Brianna Wiest
I stumbled across this quote yesterday and it came at a time that I really needed it. I have spoken at length about the life I have lost. The life before I became extremely ill. I miss that life a lot sometimes. I miss the people. I miss myself. I miss my job.
I don’t miss constantly battling to get through the days. I don’t miss feeling as though I didn’t belong anywhere in the world. I don’t miss hiding who I was for fear people wouldn’t like me or worrying they would treat me differently. I don’t miss feeling as though I had no future.
The bad in my old life ended up outweighing the good. So yes I am still grieving the life I had but had I not lost it I’m not sure where I would be now. In fact I’m not sure I would be here at all.
Rebuilding myself when everything seemed so hard and I had lost hope completely was not easy to do – I’m not 100% there yet and I don’t think I will be for a long time. However, I have found a purpose. I have managed to use my experiences to hopefully create something good, something that so many need in order to rebuild their lives.
I am may have been let down in so many ways. I will in time get over it and move forward because anger and frustration will only weigh me down. However, by putting my energy into trying to make a change I am hopeful that others will not be let down the way that I was.
I now see a future where once nothing existed. And for that I am so grateful.
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