Some days are about moving forward – taking steps towards healing and recovering. Other days are about putting one foot in front of the other. Today is about putting one foot in front of the other. Sometimes I beat myself about about how little I have done since coming home. I get in a rut and I really struggle to drag myself out of it.
When asked my first reaction is still to become defensive. Still to try and put on a brave face and move forward. I’m trying to let others help me, trying to realise I have support and I don’t have to do this on my own. But every now and then I find myself thinking what is the point?
When I feel like this I have to tell myself that the point is Archie. The point is to make a change so that others do not have to try and recover without the correct treatment or support. I have to think about my mum and dad. I have to remind myself that my nan and grandad need me around. But honestly I still find it tough.
I’m not alone and I know that but sometimes I do feel it. I feel so many emotions that I become overwhelmed. I try to to move forward but I haven’t always got the skills to do that. But I should have, I have been told time and time again that I will receive better aftercare and time and time again I feel like it has all been a lie.
I will continue to fight for others because they truly deserve it.
That doesn’t mean I didn’t, it doesn’t mean I’m not angry. I needed better and I deserved better.
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