If you would have told me this time last year that this is what my life would be like I wouldn’t have believed you. I was in the depths of self-destruct. I was suffering, in so much pain and doing anything I could to escape my reality. I was abusing alcohol and substances. Struggling to motivate myself. Relinquishing all my responsibilities. Yet still hiding exactly how ill I really was.
This time last year I was pushing everyone away. My walls were firmly up up and I was fighting so hard to make sure nobody could break them down. To the outside world I was care free, having a good time and happy. On the inside I was miserable and barely keeping my head above water.
Sometimes I feel I have made no progress at all. Other times I am amazed that I am still here.
Since sharing my story and no longer hiding away I have realised that I really am not alone. People may not be able to understand what I have been through but they have made me feel seen, heard and appreciated. I no longer feel ashamed of my own skin.
The progress I have made is something that I am now proud of. I no longer drink or abuse any substances. I am honest in all aspects of my life. I am putting myself out there for such a good cause. And the first time in forever I am looking to the future. The future I nearly didn’t have.
It is ok for progress to be slow. It is ok to have a wobble. Sometimes it is even ok to give up the fight. But let those around you support you. Let them fight for you. Let them shoulder some of the weight you’re carrying.
I spent so long feeling like I was in this alone. But I’m not and neither are you.
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