I feel like I’m constantly waiting.
My life revolves around waiting for other people.
I can’t move on with my life until other people make that decision.
I am so fucking tired of waiting.
Having to do everything on somebody else’s terms.
I feel completely out of control.
And I’m not one to admit that I’m struggling often but honestly — I’m drowning a little bit.
I’ve waited so long for an appointment with the community mental health team.
Now that I’ve been seen, I thought things might have changed a little bit.
But I got a letter to say my next appointment is at the end of August, more or less two months away.
I was told by the doctor I saw that my appointments would no longer be with her — because she is leaving.
I was told by that same doctor that there would be a meeting that afternoon and I would be offered some form of therapy.
And guess what?
I haven’t.
Of course I haven’t.
So much can change in two months — and when I go back worse than when I left, they’ll ask why.
Because nothing has changed.
I am still waiting.
I have no job.
I have no income.
I have to wait to see if someone on the other end of a phone thinks I am ill enough to be out of work.
Someone that doesn’t know me.
Someone that has never even met me.
But it is down to them to make that decision.
And guess what?
They’ve got two months to make that decision.
When I had to resign from my job, I paid an extortionate amount of tax.
I have to wait for HMRC to decide if I am allowed that back before the tax year ends.
I have to explain how I know I’ll be out of employment until April 2026.
Well to be honest, Jonathon, I can’t 100% say that is the case.
But judging by the way things are going, I probably won’t have even had a proper assessment from the community mental health team by then.
So I’m guessing that I will still be ill.
Because guess what?
I haven’t had any treatment at all.
When I made a complaint about the care I had received, I was given a date in which I would have a response by.
This date was the very latest, the longest amount of time I would have to wait for someone else to make another decision about my life.
So I waited patiently — as I have done with everything else — and that maximum wait period came and went.
Then I received a call apologising for my care.
They then asked me to wait a little bit longer for them to make their decision.
Do you think they would have come to my funeral to apologise if the worst did happen?
No.
I don’t think they would have.
I am now also waiting for my previous employer to make a decision as to whether I was unfairly treated because I was ill.
It is very clearly obvious, it is written in black and white.
The person making this decision has never met me.
The person making this decision was fine with me receiving no support when I was unwell.
The person making this decision cannot even take the time to spell my name right.
But here I am — waiting for them to decide whether or not they were wrong.
And at the end of this period of waiting, if they haven’t decided, they can make me wait even longer and attend a tribunal.
I cannot move on with my life because I am waiting for so many people to rectify their mistakes after not bothering to do their jobs properly.
But when the shoe was on the other foot, and I physically could not do my job,
I was threatened with dismissal.
If I make people wait — it is not okay.
If I arrive at a GP appointment 5 minutes late due to traffic — the GP was too busy and could not wait to see me.
So I’ll have to rebook.
This is the same GP who makes me sit in the waiting room for 45 minutes waiting for my appointment because he is late.
Please — make it make sense.
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