I’ve Got a Good Heart — But I’m So Tired

I’m a Good Person. And I’ve Got a Good Heart.

One of my biggest problems in life has always been thinking everyone has the same heart as I do — that people will treat me how I treat them. But the truth is, that just isn’t how life works. Everyone is wired differently.

Don’t get me wrong — I don’t always see the best in people. In fact, most of the time I see the worst until they prove me otherwise.
But once they do… I let my guard down.
I trust.
I expect them to care back, to show up, to stay loyal — the way I do for them.
I don’t expect them to hurt me. But they do.

And maybe that sounds naïve. I know anyone can hurt you at any moment. I just don’t expect it from people I’ve let into my life, from the people I care about.

I’ve said this before, and I’ll say it again: I’m no angel.
I’ve hurt people. I’ve made mistakes. But the difference is, most of the damage I’ve done has been to myself. That doesn’t take away from the fact that they have been hurt but it has never been intentional. Often they have been collateral damage of actions set out to hurt myself. I’ve never set out to hurt anyone — not even a stranger. That’s just not how my heart works.

And I really struggle to understand how some people seem to do it so easily.

There have been so many times I’ve sat in silence, asking myself:
What did I do wrong?

I’ve reached out to friends who’ve vanished. I’ve checked in on people during their hard times, only to be met with silence when I’ve needed support. I’ve tried to ask for clarity, just so I could move on — and been ignored. I’ve taken space, not from anyone in particular, just space to survive — and suddenly I’m not invited anymore. I’m no longer included. People stop checking in.

I know everyone has their own struggles. I know life gets in the way. But so do I — and I still try.
Even when I disappear for a bit, if someone really needs me, they know I’d drop everything in that moment and be there.

Because that’s who I am.
Because I’m a good person.
And I’ve got a good heart.

I’ve just spent so much of my life giving my heart to people who didn’t deserve it.
People who dropped me at the first sign of trouble.
And I’m tired.