By Elle Ward
Nobody likes change.
We say that all the time, don’t we?
And it’s true — the fear of the unknown can be absolutely terrifying. I know it has been for me.
There have been moments in my life where I’ve stayed in situations that were clearly not right.
Unhealthy. Unkind. Unsafe.
But I stayed — not because I didn’t know they were bad, but because the idea of leaving felt worse. There’s that saying: “Better the devil you know.” And that one? That one hits hard.
Letting go is something I really struggle with. I probably find it harder than most.
And recently, I’ve been asking myself… why?
I think it comes down to trust.
It takes a lot — a lot — for me to let someone in. For me to trust someone enough to show them the real parts of me, the vulnerable parts.
And when I do? When I let someone that far in, letting go becomes almost impossible.
It’s not just a connection I’m letting go of — it’s a version of myself that I shared with them. A piece of me that only they got to see. And that makes walking away feel like I’m losing a part of myself, too.
There are people in my life who, if I’m honest, don’t deserve to be there anymore.
People who’ve hurt me. Betrayed me.
And yet… I still can’t bring myself to completely cut them off.
I find myself holding on.
Looking for the good.
Forgiving when I shouldn’t.
Making excuses.
Taking the blame.
I’ve been hurt — really hurt — and somehow I still find ways to justify it.
Despite struggling so much with trust, I still seem to let in the wrong people.
And when they hurt me, I don’t always blame them.
I blame myself.
I tell myself: “You let them in. You showed them your heart. You gave them access. So of course they could hurt you — that’s on you.”
That voice in my head tells me: “They didn’t betray you. You betrayed yourself by trusting them.”
That’s what makes it so hard.
That’s what makes me dislike parts of who I am.
Because I think…
If I just kept people out, I wouldn’t get hurt.
If I didn’t open up, I wouldn’t be so exposed.
If I didn’t trust so easily, I wouldn’t feel so foolish.
But the truth is, being open and vulnerable isn’t foolish.
Trusting people doesn’t make me weak.
Getting hurt isn’t the same as being to blame.
I know that logically.
Emotionally? I’m still working on it.
Letting go is hard.
But holding on to people who break you — that’s even harder.
I’m learning that I can be someone who sees the good, who loves deeply, who trusts carefully — and someone who walks away when I need to.
It doesn’t have to be one or the other.
And maybe, just maybe, letting go isn’t a weakness either.
Maybe it’s the most loving thing I can do — for me.
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