Something I’ve been thinking about lately is how, when you’re mentally suffering — or when you’ve experienced trauma — your coping mechanisms, your escapes, can be just as damaging as the pain you’re trying to get away from.
I’ve spent years trying to escape my own head.
And in doing so, I caused myself more trauma and heartache than I could see at the time.
You Don’t See It While You’re In It
When you’re in that place, you don’t think about the long-term consequences.
You don’t notice that you’re pouring salt into your own wounds.
In the moment, it doesn’t matter.
In the moment, the only thing that matters is stopping the noise in your head, quieting the ache in your chest, getting through the next hour.
You don’t think about how you’re going to feel afterwards.
You live entirely in the here and now.
The Outside Looking In
People watching from the outside can see it happening.
They see you unravelling.
They watch you self-destruct.
They know your world is going to come tumbling down.
But you don’t listen.
You don’t believe them.
Sometimes, you don’t even realise you’re doing it.
Sometimes, you convince yourself you’re just enjoying life.
But deep down, you’re not.
And admitting that to yourself?
That feels like admitting defeat.
The Express Ticket to Rock Bottom
My life has been difficult enough.
And to admit that I’ve made it harder than it needed to be… that’s tough.
There have been so many times where I wasn’t just on my way to rock bottom — I bought myself an express ticket.
Bravery in Admitting the Truth
Owning the fact that you are part of your own problems — with no excuses, no one else to blame — is one of the hardest things you can do.
But it’s also one of the bravest.
Not many people can stand there and say,
“I did this. To me.”
Even if you were the only one being hurt, admitting that truth takes courage.
And that courage is the first step to doing things differently.
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