A reflection on survival, conflict, and choosing not to give up — even when hope feels complicated.
I’ve been pretty quiet for a few months now. The truth is, I’ve felt like an imposter. I advocate for people to reach out and ask for help when they’re struggling, yet I find that incredibly hard to do myself. It feels like I’ve moved from one crisis to the next, and honestly, I don’t know how I’m still here.
Now here’s the part that stings. Sometimes I don’t feel grateful to still be here. Sometimes I feel angry that the powers that be won’t just let me go. And then there are other moments when I count my lucky stars — moments when I’m deeply grateful to still be here, able to watch my son grow up. Holding those conflicting thoughts at the same time is one of the hardest things I have to contend with.
Going into a new year brings a lot of conflict for me. In some ways, I’ve come so far; in others, it feels like I haven’t moved forward at all. At the beginning of 2025, I was just grateful to be home. I didn’t stop to think about what life might still have in store for me. And honestly, it turned out to be one of the hardest years of my life to date.
I can’t come into 2026 saying I know it will be my year — because the truth is, it might not be. All I can say is that I’ll try my best not to give up, and for now, that has to be enough.
When it comes to What About Now?, I’m determined to start 2026 as I mean to go on. I’ll be working towards launching walk and talks, securing venues for Chatty Corners, and relaunching the podcast. I hope — more than anything — that I can continue to make an impact on others.
2025 was a battle I almost lost. And despite everything, I’ve been lucky enough to form connections with some incredible people and reconnect with others I once thought had no place in my future. I have loved. I have lost. I have laughed and I have cried. But I am still here — and ready for whatever the world has in store for me.
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